So I’m 20 now. That’s…exciting. I’m not a teenager anymore. I’m an adult. If I were a book, I’d be YA.
Birthdays never feel different to me. I never feel older because of a day, it’s always because of a circumstance. Going to University, living on my own, getting drunk, getting a paycheck, wearing heels…that’s what makes me feel like an adult. But I still consider myself young and inexperienced and, like that of Eliza Schuyler, rather helpless. I’m wondering what event will change that and make me feel like a real adult for good and not for a moment.
One of my best friends likes growing up. He likes the freedom and he likes doing adult things. He’s looking forward to the future. He said he doesn’t miss being a kid.
I do, though.
I miss not having to worry about grades because school was easy. I miss not having to worry about getting a job. I miss running around the neighbourhood. I miss the days where my life revolved around Pokémon and the biggest obstacle I’d have to overcome is being able to hold my breath under water longer than my friends. I miss being able to have a water gun fight in my bathing suit and not feel self conscious.
God, tell us the reason youth is wasted on the young – ‘Lost Stars’ from Begin Again
My childhood wasn’t anything special. I don’t have many exciting stories to tell or life changing experiences that made me who I am. Like the rest of my life, average is the best word to describe it, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t enjoy it.
I’m pretty glad I grew up in the era that I did. I’m a 90’s kid but considering I was born in 96, I don’t remember the 90’s at all. I grew up in an era where technology was not as important. Kids these days have iPhones in grade five and Instagram accounts at age seven. They dress like they’re eighteen and write like they’re four.
I’m not saying that kids today don’t have a childhood, I’m just saying that despite the pretty small age gap (of say, 8 years) our upbringings are pretty different.
I had a childhood. I tried to grow a popsicle tree more than once and I had drawing contests on the driveway with special rainbow chalk. But I also played on a Gameboy and had six Tamagotchis. I have memories that involve technology, but almost all the ones my brother and I sometimes reminisce about are us playing in the backyard. Our parents were adamant that we have very limited screen time and ample sun time. And while I despised them for that as a kid and even now I still slightly resent them, I do understand and can, to a logical degree, respect that choice. I kind of wish kids these days had the same limits. The Internet and videos games have a certain culture and a lot of it can be toxic, and when young kids are exposed to it, it changes them.
But it’s not just being a little kid that I miss. I also yearn to just be a teenager. Teenage things are so much more pleasant. Adult books and movies are all just so violent or boring. I come across boxes upon boxes of books at garage sales I go to and none of them catch my eye. I don’t want to read what adults read. I don’t want to watch what adults watch. I want to read books with dragons in them and watch shows about superheroes. Do you know what my mom watches? Homeland. Do you know what that show is about? American politics and terrorism. Lame. I can watch the news and get the same stories. I hate feeling like I’m somehow both immature and mature.
I’m 20 and what do I have? I’m halfway through a university degree and am already worrying about life after school… I have a few friends, some of whom didn’t remember my birthday (or didn’t care to say anything)…I have a driver’s licence but no car and nowhere to go…I have this blog which I love but some days isn’t as successful as I’d like it to be. I kind of feel like I’ve wasted chances in my younger years to advance my career or to make friends and I’m actually scared to know how hard that’ll hit me in years to come.
I know a lot of you reading this are older than me. You’re likely reading this and laughing because you’d give anything to be 20 again. You’re about to leave a comment telling me that the 20’s are the best years of my life, and to calm down and enjoy life while I’m young. I know that, I do. I think the 20’s are pivotal years as it’s when most get married and have kids and have careers, and I hope I am able to look forward to all that. But that seems like a lot of work and honestly, I’d much rather go play Grounders at the park.