Do You Have A Third Place?

There’s this concept that humans should have three ‘places’ with home being the first place, work or school being the second, and then the third place is a place where you voluntarily go to interact/communicate with regulars and be free from productivity. This term of a third place came from the book The Great Good Place in 1989 by sociologist Ray Oldenberg. I’ve never read the book, but the concept of a third place has lived in my head for a while since I heard about it, though I don’t even remember where I heard about it.

One thing the pandemic definitely taught us is the value of community and balance. And with the pandemic also combining first and second places for many people (including myself), having a third place is even more important for good balance.

My third place is my local curling club. I’ve been curling there as an adult for five years now, and it’s such a great place with some really amazing people, and of course we all love to curl! But that’s not what makes it a third place. What makes it a third place is that when we finish a game, it’s customary to sit together and drink and chat. We’re happily and voluntarily socializing on the regular. Most sports don’t really offer a social aspect. You have to organize it yourself, often at a secondary location, if you want to do it.

Surely, even if you’ve never heard of it before, you’d agree that by definition alone, a third place sounds like an important, valuable thing that everyone should have. And yet, a lot of people don’t. Maybe they’ve just moved to a new area and haven’t had time to develop a third place. Maybe they can’t afford to go to a third place. Maybe between work and family obligations, they don’t have time for a third place. Maybe they don’t have the interests that align with a public third place. Maybe their third place closed down. Maybe they don’t live in an area conducive to third places. Whatever the reason, the third place is dying.

But before curling, I did not have a third place. Back in the day, my family were churchgoers, but I didn’t talk to anyone there. Nor did I attend voluntarily. I went to my local library enough but didn’t really do too much conversing. The result? I was lonely.

So maybe doing as the Friends gang did and constantly hanging out at a coffee shop is unrealistic in today’s world, but there are so many other options and third places out there. From community classes to dog parks to even a hair salon, any place where you’re welcome to converse with others and feel like part of a community is a valid third place if it serves you well.

But what about online spaces? Could a Discord server, for example, be a third place? Unclear. While online communities, fandoms, and groups do check off a lot of the boxes that a third place represents (there’s a great list of third place characteristics here), some people/researchers believe that not physically going to a space and having that traditional human connection stops it from being viable. I kind of disagree with this stance, as I think that during the pandemic especially, I personally was able to create a decent virtual third place where friends could hop on a video call and chat.

That being said, I think everyone, regardless of how active and connected they are to people online, should have some time away from screens to interact in real life with people physically around them in a place that’s not home. Maybe humans have evolved to need and enjoy a fourth place.

From friendship to a change of scenery to different opinions to relaxation, there are so many benefits to having a third place, and if you don’t currently have one, try to find one.

What’s your third place?

 

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