I Have No Traditions

On Facebook recently I saw some pictures of a trip a friend’s family went on. Every year, they and their other family friends go to the same place, and there are pictures of the kids literally growing up together over the years there. It looks like such a fun tradition that everyone is passionate about.

My family, on the other hand, has nothing. I was thinking about it, and we really have no traditions. We used to have some small traditions. A neighbour used to host New Year’s Eve party and a Labour Day BBQ, but those haven’t happened in years because the kids grew up and got busy. We used to see my mom’s relatives at Christmas, and then go to my paternal grandparents’ sometime in the following days, but both of those changed when we were teens due to shifts in the families. My dad’s university friends and the families get together every summer for a weekend and they were fun, but the offspring don’t usually go anymore. All that still remains is that my mom and I bake cookies near Christmas, and even that isn’t long-standing.

It also doesn’t help that I have no culture. That was something I could never really fully understand when hearing POC talk about their experiences and how much they value culture because I have none of it, yet really didn’t feel like I was missing out. It was all I’ve ever known. I’m half Italian, and we do literally nothing about it except maybe eat pasta more than the average family. On the other side, I’m vaguely and distantly Irish, and that has never once meant anything. So yeah, being White doesn’t help, but the truth is, my family is just boring.

I don’t even have traditions with friends. I am my best friend’s plus one to a Canada Day BBQ her family gets invited to, but that’s about it. I went camping with some friends in July and we said “We should do this again next summer!” so we’ll see if anything comes of that.

As I grow up and do my own thing more and more, it’s kind of sad that I don’t have long-standing, special traditions or events to bring me back and reconnect me to my roots. Should I have a family of my own one day, I have nothing to pass on.

…Yet, at least. Just because I don’t have traditions from childhood and a small circle of unsentimental friends, doesn’t mean new traditions can’t be made as an adult. I am open to suggestions. I’d love to hear what traditions (family or otherwise) you have and love.

Me to everyone I know

That’s all for now.

 

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6 Things I Didn’t Miss In This Pandemic

We’ve been in this pandemic for over a year, and it has certainly been an adjustment in nearly all aspects of life. But not all those adjustments have been bad (for me at least)! In fact, there are some that are good. As people get vaccinated and things start opening up again (I went downtown and saw friends for the first time in over a year!), I think we’re all really thinking twice about the last year and deciding what new behaviours to keep. Here are some things that I really did not miss whilst in this pandemic:

1. Having to drive my brother places – my brother has a far better social life than I do, and everyone once in a while, he’d ask me for a ride to some restaurant or pub or buddy’s house so he could have a few drinks. It was never a far drive and obviously I’m going to do it so there’s no drinking and driving, but sometimes he’d ask when I was in the middle of a movie, which was annoying.
2. Eating onions and having to brush my teeth – I love raw onions, and probably munch on them several dinners a week via salads or just whole chunks, and it was very nice to talk to friends over video calls right afterwards and not worry about my breath being gross.
3. Spending money on drinks – I am not a big drinker at all, but at a party or after curling, I’ll have one or two. In the pandemic, though, those events took a hit, and my wallet benefited. At curling, it’s usually customary to buy your opponent a drink if you beat them, but that tradition was removed during the pandemic in an effort to limit socialization and contact. So just having to buy one drink for myself was great, though I did miss the socializing a lot.
   
4. Seeing friends only once in a while – when the pandemic started, there was a big push to reach out to friends, chat via video calls, and stay in touch. Over a year later, and I still do interact with people a lot online, and it’s been great. As much as it’d be fun to interact in person more, we’re able to still play games, watch movies, and chat at no cost.
5. Disagreeing about restaurants – to give my mother a break from cooking and to support local businesses during the pandemic, my family and I ordered in every week or two, and that was fun. Ordering in to eat has been wonderful because there’s no need to argue about where we eat. If I don’t want food from the same place my parents want, there’s probably a McDonalds or Burger King on the way that’ll work for me. It’s simple.
6. Early in-person interviews – in 2020 when I was job hunting, it was really great to have video interviews. I could sit in my room, in my element, and not have to take public transit for two hours just to chat with someone for fifteen minutes. For first-round/preliminary interviews, I think it should stay that way.
   

Finding good things in what is otherwise a pretty hellish and complicated year and a half is always great. What do/did you not miss from the pandemic? I’d love to hear.

That’s all for now!

 

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7 Free Online Games That Have Amused My Friends And I For Hours

One really really good thing that has happened to me in this pandemic is that I’ve reconnected with some people I knew in university, and now I’m on Google Hangouts with some of them almost every night. We’re just looking to have a good time, and over the past several months, we’ve found some fun and creative games to amuse us, and all for the low, low price of free. If you and your socially distanced friends are looking for new games to play, here’s what I and several others can wholeheartedly recommend.

1. Crossword Puzzles
   The site this is on is called Backyard, which technically has several games, and we’ve played many of them, but our most-played one is actually just crossword puzzles. It’s fun to use our combined knowledge to complete a puzzle together (especially because I’m bad at crosswords on my own). I think we’ve done all the Easy ones and a good chunk of the Hard ones. (edit: this site has apparently shut down since I wrote this post. Sorry.)
2. Codenames
   There is a good version of this game on Backyard too (though it’s called Codewords there), but Codenames is the legit one, and it’s free and easy. Essentially a clue-giver has their team identify team words by giving a word associated. It’s ideal for 6+ people so the teams can have many brains, but I’ve played with 4 or 5 total. It’s fun to really sync my brain up with others to understand the clues. We’ve even added a layer of challenge by just giving the clue word and not the associated number, which is a spicy way to play.
3. Among Us
   You’ve probably heard of this mobile game as it got very popular last fall. Little aliens complete tasks on a ship while avoiding one person who is a secret killer. It’s very fun, and playing over a video call allows us to a) not use the game’s crappy chat feature and b) use body language and voice inflections to identify the imposter. We played the game in the standard way a lot, but there was also a stint where we’d play the Hide And Seek version more because it worked well with smaller numbers and familiar maps.
4. Jigsaw Puzzles
   This is a new addition to our gaming roster, but it’s amusing us a lot, even though it’s not really a game as it is a hobby. There are plenty of puzzle images to choose from, and you can even pick the number of pieces to ramp up the difficulty if you want more of a challenge (we did one that took us over 7 hours once). Plus, the sound the pieces make when they click together is very satisfying.
   
5. Uno
   Uno is great because it’s not a huge time commitment. You can easily play a few rounds in 20 minutes. This version can only handle 4 people and it limits your autonomy a bit in terms of what cards you can and can’t play, but it’s very visually nice and keeps score for you and all that fun stuff. I doubt there’s a better one out there.
6. Scattergories
   This is just like the physical tabletop version, but online! A letter and categories are given and players come up with a word for each, and then there’s a nice voting system where everyone can decide if all the answers are good or not. This site also keeps score for you nicely. Again, video calls aid in this game as you can argue your side faster than typing it out.
7. Skribbl.io aka Pictionary
   No matter how good you are at art, this game is very fun. It’s basically Pictionary but instead of being on teams, it’s every man for themselves. My friends and I have added a twist to it by doing rounds where we have to draw the hardest option no matter what.
   

Bonus: Guess The Knees
Soooo there’s not a website for this because it’s kind of an original game, but it’s still quality. We just opened a Google Slideshow and started finding and cropping pictures of celebrity knees, and then we all just took turns guessing who it is by asking questions. “Have they won an Emmy?” “Are they in the MCU?” There are some surprising knees out there! If you’re reading this right now and thinking that this sounds so stupid, you’d be right, but I need you to know that my friends and I, all in our mid-twenties, played this on two separate nights and we had a good time. I think it speaks to the creativity people can have when they’re bored and silly.

If you play any other free online games, let me know as we’re always looking for more fun games to play when we hang out, so leave a comment if you know of any!

I may not be able to hug my friends, but I sure can beat them at games, which is perhaps just as good in this era.

Peace out, gamers!

 

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What I Don’t Blog About

I blog about a lot of stuff. I purposely made my blog fairly niche-less so I could write about anything, from serious thought-provoking topics to dumb rants. I’m so glad that I have an audience who accepts this from me because I love to do it and I love the freedom I have to do it.

But just because I am open and have written about a lot, it doesn’t mean everything is on the table. I don’t lie and I don’t censor myself that much, but I am very aware of how and what I present.

It comes down to readers. I know my mother, for example, is a reader of my blog, so I’ll avoid talking about things that will incite a conversation. Both my parents are kind of conservative and the kind of parents who will turn a joke into a lecture, so it’s just easier to avoid some things altogether.

I also have links/references to my blog on LinkedIn and my resume, and it often came up in job interviews, so I know that potential bosses and coworkers read it, so I do try to be, for the most part, professional and mature. Some stuff isn’t even bad per se, but I don’t want or need people I work with professionally knowing things about me or having the power to know things that don’t relate to work or align with the relationship. Example: I do occasionally drink alcohol and though I am very responsible with it and am always the soberest person at a party, I don’t need a boss knowing about parties I go to, even if it’s normal and reasonable for someone my age to do this.

And speaking of relationships: friends read my blog. I share posts on Facebook once in a while and I know some friends read my blog regularly. Therefore, I’m always sure to protect identities and careful that I’m not sharing anything that could cause conflict or awkwardness. One time I was talking to a friend about a guy I had a crush on. This friend suggested I blog about it as it was relatable and something I didn’t often talk about. I shut down that suggestion real quick because the specifics of the crush were too specific, and I couldn’t risk that as my blog was known to this guy.

Forever mood.

Then there’s also stuff I don’t share that protects my identity. While I do have friends and family read my blog, most of my readers are strangers all around the world, and that is really cool but also scares me. I don’t use my full name and I don’t post pictures of myself. While I know that I probably can safely as many do, and I know that not doing so does make some of you be a little skeptical of me, it’s still something I choose to do for my own comfort. So I am purposely vague on some details or just choose not to share certain things.

And as much as I am honest and don’t shy away from getting deep when I need to, I also sometimes worry if I come across as too whiny or too victimized when talking about things like friendships or life issues. I know I’m not the most positive person and sometimes my attempts at being real could be off-putting. I want to be relatable, but not annoying and not repetitive. So often some of the more serious posts get more edits than other posts just so my feelings aren’t as prevalent or boohoo-y.

Lastly, I stay mostly in my lane when it comes to politics or stuff like that, not that this blog is ever that political. I’m a white cis neurotypical middle-class female who has lived a pretty sheltered life and luckily hasn’t had many life struggles, so who am I to speak on anything outside of that realm when others more important have said it first and better. When I need to link resources from people who deserve to be heard more, I absolutely do. But for the most part, I stay away from ‘controversial’ topics. It’s just not what this blog is about.

Otherwise, that’s basically it. There’s still a lot of room for my nonsense and rants and reviews and thoughts. And who knows, maybe down the line, things will change. As I develop as a human and as my life goes on, some things I’m not comfortable diving into now may change. Who’s to say. Guess you’ll have to stick around and see.

 

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Temporary Friends

I knew this girl in high school who I considered a close friend at the time. We had shared interests, and we were always joking around when we had a class together. A mutual friend, though, described this girl as someone who would be your best friend but only when it was convenient for her. So as soon as that class ended and extra effort had to be made to interact, she’d drop you and move on to whoever was next. This wasn’t an inaccurate description of the friendship, and for a while I was mad that I let myself be played like that.

But, to some extent, don’t we all do this? Like, sure, could she have put in more effort to maintain friendships outside of class? Could she have maybe been less chummy while we were together, especially if she thought of me as disposable? Maybe. But looking back, I think she was just making the most of the situations she was in, and it’s perhaps partly on me to not get so attached.

In a perfect world, we carry the friends we make throughout our whole lives. We grow together and give each other what we need and never let each other down. But this is not a perfect world. We change, we lose friends, we make friends, we adjust, we figure ourselves out. It’s how life is. I’ve realized that I’m perhaps more needy in terms of my friendships. I would love for the people I care about to want to be with me as much as I want to be with them. I would love for them to make me a priority and really go out of their way to show that. Unfortunately, this is not realistic and not my reality with most people, and I accept this, though it does mean I’ve had to think hard about my friendships.

Between school friends, childhood friends, internet friends, coworkers, and whoever else, it’s impossible for every nice friendship you ever have to last decades and be consistently strong. It’s not a personal attack when things fade or end. Because in a lot of cases, we’re all just making the most of our lives in that moment. If a sucky summer job can be made better by a goofy coworker, then hell yeah! If a school project can be made better by a competent partner you bond with, then way to go! We should appreciate what these people bring at that time without worrying about what it’ll be like in five years. We should learn from them, take the good aspects, and carry it with us into the future. It doesn’t mean that either party is a bad friend. And we should be able to look back with fondness at that time and remember those people not as ex-friends who abandoned us or played us, but as people we connected with once and now wish well.

There are people in my life now who I doubt I’ll still have contact with in 10 years. Because of a temporary situation or just changing styles, I know it’s likely that eventually we won’t have time or a desire to interact as much or at all, and there probably won’t be a dramatic and conclusive ending to the friendship. Of course this makes me sad, but rather than being pre-upset over this, I’m trying to make the most of this time and enjoy these bonds I’ve made for now. Who cares if we’re all just each other’s temporary friends? Life is full of them, and I want to be remembered as a good one.

I think temporary friends is a concept that should be more normalized. I’m not saying you shouldn’t put in an effort to maintain friendships with the people you care about (because you definitely should, and I know I can work on this too), but the idea that people can be in your life for a short time without hurt feelings should be okay. I’m prone to feeling like I’m the problem common denominator in many failed or weak friendships, but maybe those people were never meant to be in my life long term. They were always just meant to get me through that time in a nice way, and that’s okay.

As Glinda and Elphaba said, “because I knew you, I have been changed for good.”

 

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