I’ve been in my head a lot recently. Overthinking, second-guessing, the whole deal. And while usually this is pretty unproductive and unhealthy, lately I’m thinking a lot about habits I have that I probably should unlearn. There are some patterns of behavior and mindsets that, while not toxic by any means, aren’t doing me or anyone around me any favours. They’re not my best self, ya know? Identifying their existence is the first step. Unpacking why they exist is the second.
Why am I the way that I am? Some traits and habits (both good and bad) clearly come directly from my family. Those ones are wild because they’re so ingrained in me and they’re clearly demonstrated often. It’s second nature.
Some (maybe most) habits, though, I’ve developed on my own over time. All my experiences and interactions and thoughts have morphed into what I am, for better or for worse. And since I can’t necessarily identify where they came from, I just gotta unlearn what I don’t want. And to do that, I need a lot of control. Control over my actions and control over my thoughts. I need to be able to stop the unideal thing from happening before it does, and once I can control what happens outwards, I can work on rectifying it on the inside. Taking action is the third step, no matter how we developed these behaviours.
Logic is a big part of this, I think. We need time to understand how and why we process. Logically, I know that the unhealthy/unideal things I say or think aren’t giving the results it initially was supposed to. I feel like I keep going back to it as an example on this blog, but it’s valid: in the past few years, I’ve really worked to be less negative in life both on the inside and the outside. The habit that started as a way to not take myself seriously and be funny, heavily influenced by internet culture, eventually felt like it got to a point where it was just sad, and I had to logically realize that it was just a bad trait I had, often without even knowing. It was something I slowly unlearned, and though it’s not a habit that’s completely gone, it’s certainly a lot better.
A lot of the time, that rotten voice in our head or that overwhelming urge telling us the negative things or to do something unhealthy is logically not accurate. I know this. We are our own worst critic, and unlearning this side of ourselves can be hard. As I said in this post about loving yourself, sometimes it’s not even something you can fully do on your own. Sometimes validation from someone else can help, but it’s up to you to really carry your one-man team and get yourself most of the way there. You gotta change your behaviour and your outlook on your own.
I feel like this post is pretty disjointed and rambly. I think I’m getting swept up in those upcoming new year vibes and trying to verbalize something that’s been on my mind, but I don’t have all the answers. I may not have any answers. I guess what I’m trying to say is that in 2022, unlearning or at least slowing down behaviours and mindsets that aren’t personally productive is something I’m trying to do. At the end of the day, it’s me who has to deal with what’s in my head so if I’m going to have weeks where I’m in it a lot, it could be a nicer place to be.
That’s all for now!