^ Look at those three exclamation points. I’m passionate. ^
When I watched Parks And Recreation for the first time three years ago, I was inspired by Leslie Knope. She was so fun and positive and kind, and that was so likeable. I remember deciding to try to emulate that in my own life. That mentality lasted about ten hours. It is exhausting being like Leslie Knope.
So maybe Leslie’s level of positivity is a little unrealistic. Does that mean I shouldn’t be positive at all? Of course not.
I’m not always a negative person. In most senses I’m a realist. A middle level between negativity and positivity. I can be positive about some things and negative about others, but I’m not naïve enough to ignore facts and truth. For example, my career. While I am getting a degree and getting good grades, I know that the job market is brutal, the cost of living is ridiculous, and there are people better and more experienced than me. These are facts, but they’re not stopping me from applying to jobs and trying my best and all that. And I think that this is the proper mindset to have for such a thing.
But for other things, like my sense of humor, for example, I think I need to change. You’ve probably noticed it in past posts but I lean toward self-deprecating humor a lot. Because I can. It’s super easy for me to joke about myself so much because of who I am. I joke about my looks a lot because I am not drop-dead gorgeous and put very little effort into my appearance. I joke about my social life because I only have a few friends and spend most of my free time by myself. Joking in this way is my coping mechanism and I figured people would either find it relatable or take pity and validate me with a laugh. But I kind of recently realized that I’ve gotten nothing from this. In fact, I’d say that perhaps it’s done the opposite and perhaps driven people away because who wants to hang out with the girl who jokes about having no friends? I’ve been around negative people, and I mean like, really negative people and it’s been awful. Interacting with constantly negative people is the worst, and I never want people to think the same about me.
But I wonder if there are consequences with keeping these negative feelings internalized. Though I am joking a lot, underneath the jokes is truth and I can easily admit that. I wish I had more friends, I wish I was more photogenic, I wish my blog had more readers, I wish I had more confidence, I wish I was a better writer, I wish I was a better singer…. Is keeping that all inside and not letting it out through my measly jokes better for me? Or just better for people around me? I don’t want to seem whiny and pathetic but I don’t know if I should pretend I’m 100% loving life and loving where I am for the sake of being positive. How do I balance this?
Anyway. I do realize this post is coming off as whiny, but that is not the intention. The intention is to let you all know that I’ve really come to understand that as much as I do struggle with being positive, life is better when you are. And I’ve made the decision to be more positive. Positivity is contagious and fun and Leslie Knope wouldn’t have succeeded without it. I’m going into my final year of school and then going into the rest of my life, and being bitter and negative won’t do me anything. April Ludgate would be nowhere without Leslie and I can’t rely on the Leslies of the world to push me forward. Even if I can’t be fully positive (because, let’s face it, it’s really hard to be positive about most aspects of school), being neutral is still better than negative.
This won’t be easy. I’m so used to having negative jokes and being sarcastically sardonic, so forcing myself to not write them or say them will take some time. But it’ll be worth it knowing people can come to my blog or interact with me and have a more positive exchange. Besides, I know I have so many things to be positive about, so I just need to focus on that and focus on smiling more.
Any tips for maintaining and living a positive life would be appreciated!
That’s all for now!