My Weaknesses

Everyone is always trying to better themselves. You see so many of these self-help books and motivational speeches and cute quotes on phone cases nowadays. That’s nice and all but one thing these all seem to never touch on is one’s weaknesses. That’s the key, y’all.

Image result for weaknesses gif

Good question, Gabe. Here are mine. Until I can conquer these, I will never be my best self. I need to be the ultimate me. I need to be able to defeat past me, should time travel ever be possible. But for now, here’s a quick and handy list of things that you need, should you ever want to get me in a vulnerable position.

  1. Lightning. Is anyone strong enough for this? Maybe the Michelin Man.
  2. Grates in the sidewalk. I am sorry if I have to cut around you when walking but I would rather step in dog poop than on a grate. I don’t trust them.
  3. Mint chocolate. I can control myself well enough around regular chocolate, but not mint.
  4. Nice people. Honestly, someone can just be nice to me for like five minutes and I’ll spill my all secrets. Unfortunately for them, my secrets are all like ‘I have no idea what I’m doing in life’ and ‘I laugh when I’m uncomfortable’.
  5. Musicals. Why is everyone singing? Why does everyone know the lyrics? Why is this necessary? I dunno, man. But I’m watching it.
  6. The little number notification bubbles on apps. Those must be removed right away. I will stop what I’m doing to mark an email as ‘read’ just so I can go back to zero.

    Related image
    This is my personal circle of hell.
  7. Blooper reels. Somehow, watching some actor mess up their lines is always funny. Sometimes I watch bloopers for shows/movies I didn’t even watch.
  8. Puns. Even the worst are good.
  9. Seeing my reflection. My face isn’t even that exciting visually, but every time I pass a mirror or a window or some kind of camera, I gotta look at myself.  Just to, like, make sure I’m still there and my hair isn’t doing something weird. To be honest, whenever I’m Skyping or FaceTiming someone, a solid 80% of the chat is spent looking at my own face.
  10. Series finales. I’ll cry. I’ll cry every time. Even if it’s the worst ending to a show. I’ll probably still sob. This should be number one on this list. This is probably my biggest weakness.
  11. Christmas music. I’ve been listening for almost a month already. It always puts me in a better mood.
  12. Popcorn. No explanation needed.
  13. When a professor is erasing a chalk board but doesn’t do a good job and there’s those marks still there. Yeah, I hate that.
  14. Garage sales. Do you have junk on your driveway? I’m already there. (Related: this post I wrote on garage sales)
  15. Baby animals. I don’t care that I’ll get hives if a puppy licks me, I’ll still pet it.

Image result for baby animals

I am such a flawed person. There are only fifteen here, and if I had the time, I could probably list more. I have work to do. I need to one day be able to say “No, I don’t want popcorn.” Gotta build up that strength. You know who has two weaknesses? Superman. He’s weak for kryptonite and innocent civilians in danger. That’s it.

Anyways, what are your weaknesses? I highly suggest knowing them so you too can work on not falling for them.

 

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17 thoughts on “My Weaknesses

  1. I thought you were on the right track until I started reading your flaws. You haven’t the slightest idea what a really flawed person is–I would never dare even list a few of mine. Nevertheless, I found your post thought provoking–thank you

  2. I laughed out loud. We share a number of “weaknesses” but I think that some of these aren’t necessarily weaknesses as much as pet peeves. The notification numbers on phone apps is one of mine too. And baby animals, oh my, I turn to mush. (Maybe not mice, though) Everyone has weaknesses that aren’t necessarily flaws that need fixing. They are more like personal stamps on your personality that make you uniquely you.
    Oh, and I cry at sappy TV commercials.

    • I think of it like this: if someone purposely wanted to distract me from something else more important, I would consistently fall for these, hence why they are ‘weaknesses’.

  3. Omg I agree 100% with this post!! XD
    I also hate when teachers erase the board but they leave little marks in it. Makes me wanna stand up, grab the eraser, slap them in the face with it, and then finish erasing. 😛 I’m like, so badass!
    I get really distracted when my phone shows me the notif bubbles, it is one of the main reasons why I’m always procrastinating. Wish you could get rid of those by going to ‘settings’. I do like puns a lot, but I LUV bad jokes, even the worst ones!!! I can listen to them and laugh for hours!! XD
    I loved this post!! XD

  4. “The little number notification bubbles on apps. Those must be removed right away. I will stop what I’m doing to mark an email as ‘read’ just so I can go back to zero.” This makes me cringe! They all must go ALL OF IT!

  5. I so agree with the gentleman above – we’re all flawed, some of us badly, and we all have weaknesses – but there’s a big difference.

    Plus I don’t think having weaknesses means you’ll never be able to reach your full potential. I have many “weaknesses” and I’ve just learned to live with them. If it’s something I simply don’t think I can change, then I find ways to work around it. (For example, thunder and lightning. No way I’ll get over that. But I can learn meditation to get through it.)

    A lot of this post made me laugh, too – trust me, you’re not as damaged as you think – nowhere near. 🙂

  6. I’m pretty sure I talk too loud and I’ve been told my voice carries. No worries though, because even though I’m a woman, my voice is so deep, my voice sounds like it’s coming from a man. Also, I can spot the tiniest piece of anything on carpet or floor, and will wiggle and squirm until I either pick it up, or get the heck away from it. There! I’ve told you. Happy Holidays!!!

    • You know, I read a study the other day that said people with deeper voices get paid more in the workplace….though I’m pretty sure that’s just a silly way of confirming the gender pay gap.
      I totally get the spot thing! In the room I’m renting, there’s this spot of white paint on the floor and it drives me nuts because I can’t get rid of it!
      Happy Holidays to you too!

  7. I thought this post was going to be different and I’m glad the way you approached it. I was genuinely curious to see what was next, it was a joy to read. I feel like if you don’t like baby animals then your a crazy person. Golden retriever puppies are 😍

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